What do you do when a guy you thought was seemingly perfect breaks your heart? Granted, it had only been just under 3 weeks of dating, but you really thought you had found "the one" this time? ESPECIALLY if the guy slightly looks and acts like a combination of your three TV character celebrity crushes, the romantic, optimistic Ted Mosby of "How I Met Your Mother," the acerbic, "adorkable" Seth Cohen of "The O.C.," and the sarcastic, lovable goofball Jim Halpert of “The Office.” Seems too good to be true, right? Right. But as a late bloomer, I have to stop having the mentality that I’m the ugly duckling who has now turned into a beautiful swan and the right guy is now going to come sweep me off my feet at any moment. You can’t force things just because they “seem” perfect. Both parties have to be in a good place emotionally and mentally to make a relationship work. And my “Ted Cohen Halpert,” as I so fondly refer to him, was not in this good place. I just thought he was so “perfect” I ignored the signs that #1.) He seemed preoccupied when we were together; #2.) He never seemed to make the first move; and #3.) He didn’t stop talking about his ex-girlfriend. Bingo! Red flag warning right there! Sound the sirens! Reprise the theme song and roll the credits!
Why did I think I could ever force this to work out right now? Well, this is another side effect of being a late bloomer called “being desperate.” I know I am not really desperate, but growing up as a late bloomer, you develop this mentality that you should “take whatever you can get.” Hell, it’s even listed as an option on your Facebook profile under “What I am looking for.” You can click on either “Friendship, Networking, Dating, a Relationship, Random Play (wtf, by the way?), or Whatever I Can Get.” That is insane! Even Facebook is promoting being desperate with this “Whatever I Can Get” option! Why should we take whatever we can get? Shouldn’t we take the best, what we are most deserving of? I deserved for the guy to be crazy about me and not being able to wait until the next time he saw me. I did not deserve, “Um….I am kind of booked up this week already. Maybe I can see you on Thursday if it works out?”
I am slowly realizing that none of us should have to settle for “Whatever I Can Get.” The right person will want you for your strengths as well as your weaknesses (in sickness and in health, as they say), and they will be over their ex-girlfriend or boyfriend by the time they ask you out. It will just be the right time. Things should come naturally and should not feel forced by either party. Along those lines, I should not assume that this Ted Cohen Halpert is perfect for me just because he reminds me of my favorite TV characters because that’s not realistic. Nor should I settle for being treated poorly in a relationship just because I feel I should take “Whatever I Can Get.” But at the same time, you don’t want to be too picky and have ridiculously high expectations of someone. No one can live up to that and you will just drive yourself crazy looking for that next Ted Cohen Halpert. As I’ve said before, nobody’s perfect. Everyone is a moron in his or her own way. Finding the right relationship is a balancing act of not being too picky (i.e. so the guy is a little short, balding, has a slight unibrow, talks with food in his mouth, etc…) and not settling for poor treatment (i.e. abuse, either physical, mental, or verbal, or neglect).
Even the Ted Cohen Halperts of the world have their flaws and faults and the sooner we realize and accept this, the better. But because these characters probably all grew up as late bloomers themselves, it is hard not to initially be drawn to their self-deprecating, witty, unassuming, “adorkable” charm. Believe me, I know. ☺
